Soulful Weddings

In the last week, I’ve read so much maddening drivel about wedding planning, it has caused me to simply stop and consider the entire purpose of the wedding day. The decision making process of brides, and the motivation, standards, and perspective of wedding vendors,  are all to help produce the most meaningful event, for all who take part.

In his famous graduation speech at Stanford University, Steve Jobs noted that “You cannot connect the dots going forward, you can only connect them in retrospect.” I believe it is true; without the benefit of rose-colored glasses, one can look back at a wedding and realistically assess how things turned out. What worked well, what worked better than expected, and ‘what was I thinking when I made THAT choice?”

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.It seems that the prevailing winds in the wedding industry run to the extreme.

• How can I save money? aka DIY
• How can I design the most opulent event, with no monetary bounds?

Better questions are:

• How do I want my family guests to feel during the wedding and reception?
• What do I want people (include myself and my spouse) to recall in 25 years?
• How will I enjoy the day, and what will I remember fondly, years later?

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Stern Grove Club House, San Francisco

Generally speaking, couples who ask better questions, achieve better results. It is generally not about money… though having more money doesn’t hurt. However, any number of fiascos I’ve witnessed were caused by making things unnecessarily complex. Those situations sprout from failing to have sufficient management to handle the outsized opulence.

And other receptions glow in their simplicity. There’s a park near San Francisco State University named Stern Grove. It is a soothing setting for smaller weddings. It has volume restrictions… it’s not right for everyone. You are with nature, and it is peaceful. And for one particular wedding couple, it was ideal.

Though I was there to play dance music, I’ll always remember a tenor sax whispering ‘Body & Soul’ as the bride walked down the aisle. The wistful tones floated through the air, so tenderly, one could almost see them.

And then there was the ring bearer, the bride and groom’s 3-legged dog, Bosco. He had a small pillow secured to has back, and he ambled down the aisle on cue, stopping at the altar. Bosco was a part of their new family, and had to be included. I thought it strange, when they first suggested it, but had the good sense to listen and understand the wisdom of their choice.

A 3-legged dog as the ring bearer is not particularly elegant, but the choice has soul. Creating a remembrance for those friends and family who have left this earth tends to be painful, but it has soul and is meaningful. A wedding cake, fashioned to look like Yankee Stadium, because the bride and groom are avid fans is a choice reflecting the wedding couple. It is creative and has soul.

Brides often speak with conflicting meaning. They speak about the latest trends, and then about wanting their wedding to be unique. It’s hard to have it both ways. Most every wedding professional, from the venue to a dove release, believes their part in the wedding is somehow the linchpin and most memorable element. Everyone should take pride in their work and serve as part of the wedding team, regardless of their contribution.

In reality, this complex production, the wedding and reception, is both planned and spontaneous. It is hard to predict what will stand out in one’s mind, a year from now or 25 years from now.

So, in considering the soul of a wedding, I think we may have it backwards. The most important part of the day is the ceremony. And I suggest that the ceremony take place, last, not first.

As the bride and groom walk from the altar and are showered with rice or rose petals, those moments and seconds… the expressions on their faces will be the apex of the day. Putting the focus where it belongs, on the bride and groom. Now THAT would be soulful.

You see, at the end of the event, a wedding doesn’t wear a price tag. No one cares whether the bride and groom are of modest means or wildly wealthy. If there is an emotional connection with them, and their are meaningful moments of magic, then all is right with the world.

Soulful Weddings… not just memorable, but burned into one’s very being.

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